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The Entire Bible Explained

faith gospel Mar 04, 2022

THE ENTIRE BIBLE EXPLAINED…

GENESIS
God: All right, you two, don’t do the thing. Other than that, have fun.
Adam & Eve: Okay.
Satan: You should do the thing.
Adam & Eve: Okay.
God: What happened!?
Adam & Eve: We did the thing.
God: Guys…

THE REST OF THE OLD TESTAMENT
God: You are my people, and you should not do the things.
People: We won’t do the things.
God: Good.
People: We did the things.
God: Guys…

THE GOSPELS
Jesus: I am the son of God, and even though you have done the things, the Father and I still love you and want you to live. Don’t do the things anymore.
Healed People: Okay! Thank you!
Other people: We’ve never seen him do the things, but he probably does the things when no one is looking.
Jesus: I have never done the things.
Other People: We’re going to put you on trial for doing the things.
Pilate: Did you do the things?
Jesus: No.
Pilate: He didn’t do the things.
Other People: Kill him anyway.
Pilate: Okay.
Jesus: Guys…

PAUL’S LETTERS
People: We did the things.
Paul: Jesus still loves you, and because you love him, you have to stop doing the things.
People: Okay.

PAUL’S LETTERS PART II
People: We did the things again.
Paul: Guys…

REVELATION
John: When Jesus comes back there will be no more people who do the things. In the meantime, stop doing the things.

THE END

(Unsure who the original author is – if you know, please comment so we can give him/her credit!)

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